Out With The Old ...

Last weekend my mom brought over her sewing machine for me to borrow. Along with the sewing machine, she also brought over several boxes of ... stuff. Two boxes were filled with half-finished sewing projects; one box was hers and one box was mine. The other three boxes? Old college textbooks and notebooks/3-ring binders which I immediately knew would end up either 1) going to Goodwill (after spending an indeterminate amount of time in my basement) or 2) being recycled. During the week, I surprised myself by finding the motivation to actually go through these boxes. I think my motivator was the fact that they were sitting on my dining room table, which I needed the following day in order to have a place to feed four boys under five. So while Zach colored at one end of the table, I purged papers at the other end.

Going through my old binders and papers was a pretty mundane task, as whatever reason I once had for holding on to all the stuff has escaped me now, but it felt a little bittersweet once I got about halfway through. I mean, certainly I was happy to get rid of two boxes of crap instead of stashing it somewhere and worrying about the possibilities of ending up on Hoarders. But at the same time, I felt a little sad as I went through it ... most of the stuff was from when I'd planned being a science major and eventually ending up at pharmacy school ... notes and labs from calculus, physics, biology, etc classes. Even from my loved/hated organic chemistry class (and upon looking back through my tests and labs from that class, I still maintain that his grading had absolutely no rhyme or reason to it!). I got to thinking about how my life and who I was as a person was SO different then, and really it wasn't all that long ago. If I'd kept my life going in that direction, I'd now be done or nearly done with my doctorate in pharmacology, making much more money than I do now! Albeit with much larger student loans to repay ... Yet, here I sit in my living room with my not husband of nearly 5 years sitting less than ten feet from me playing on his laptop, listening to our almost three year old son snoring away on the couch and feeling my soon to be born baby kicking at my ribs. How in the world did I get from there to here? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. My life isn't perfect, but I love my family and the home we've made. I'm proud of how far we've come despite being broke :) It just seems like all my dreams and goals changed overnight and sometimes I have a hard time remembering why. (And then I remember: it was the daunting idea of another 6 years of school and $100k in student loans that did it!)

But without all that change, I wouldn't have my not husband, our kids, our house ... So, out to the recycling bin goes two boxes full of the old me. Here's to my new(er) goals: An eventual master's in healthcare management and a job to go along with it. Raising two loving little boys to the best of my ability. But first, finally finishing the boys' rooms!